Testing Depression:
A journey through severe depression, hospitalization, and medication.

If this is your first time here, you might want to read in reverse order, from the beginning. "Testing Depression" is my true story about being hospitalized for depression.

A quick summary up to this point:

I arrived at the hospital in a police car. I was examined by the entry nurse, and then by a doctor on the unit. I met two nurses, Meg and Dorothy, and two other patients, Charlie and Louisa. I was on fifteen-minute checks. I struggled to remember the causes of my depression. My only medication at this point was Ortho-Tricyclen (birth control pills).

Dr. Mossman watched me carefully while I looked down at the floor, unable to answer his question. The silence continued for what seemed like an entire minute, after which I grew annoyed. He had been intrigued and fascinated by my embarrassed movements and my lack of words, and he made no effort to help my thoughts flow.

Frustrated, I shifted my eyes from the floor to his eyes. I stared back at him directly, hoping that he would speak. But he only stared back more fiercely, focusing his empty, analytical eyes on mine, and forcing me into a staring contest. Perhaps staring directly at him was a bad move after all.

Finally, I looked away, and he scribbled down some notes in my patient chart.