(not part of the story)
Sorry for not posting for some time now. I have really been having a hard time the past few days, due to stress from work, from my family, and most of all from those horrible mood swings that come every 28 days or so.
Today’s post is a break from the story, because I just feel like talking about a very personal part of my current life. I think it might be helpful information to share. It’s a controversial, taboo topic, but I don’t think it should be that way because it strongly affects the mental health of millions of women.
Over the past three months I have been going through the most intense mood swings that I could ever imagine. I switched from using a non-hormonal method of birth control to using a hormonal method.
I was using a diaphragm before, because I knew that I was especially sensitive to hormonal methods of birth control. I discovered years later that the primary cause of my mental breakdown was my birth control pills, and I vowed to stay away from them in every form. I do not believe that my depression would have peaked so severely on its own.
Recurring urinary tract infections made me want to switch to a different form of birth control. The spermicide and the insertion of the diaphragm itself were causing irritation, and the resulting infections were unbearably painful.
Three months ago, I switched to NuvaRing, a hormonal form of birth control. It has the lowest (or one of the lowest) doses out of all the hormonal methods. I tried it in the hope that the side effects would be milder, compared with my previous experience.
For the first couple of months, life was awful. I went through frequent periods of deep depression. I often felt paralyzed by my thoughts and fears, and everything that caused even a little stress in my life became exaggerated. I also felt nauseous constantly, vomiting a couple of times. I hung on, knowing that it would get better. Doctors and friends told me to wait it out.
Now is the end of my third month. The side effects have definitely lessened, although they are still pretty bad. In particular, the week before my period has been horrible. I normally get depressed before my period, but with the hormones, the depression is magnified about a thousand times. The nausea keeps me awake at night, making things worse.
Why am I doing this to myself? you might ask. I feel that this month has been better than any of the months while I was using the diaphragm. I also am optimistic that later months will get better. If they don’t get better, I’ll stop using the ring, but I want to give it another couple of months.
Finally, I am doing this to myself because there is no other option. I cannot use an IUD because I have not had children yet. I am waiting for other contraceptive methods to develop, in particular the male birth control pill, though from what I’ve read, it won’t be available for another five years or so.
My psychiatrist never believed me when I told her that the birth control pills were one of the causes of my depression. My gynecologist didn’t believe me either. I stopped seeing my gynecologist and now go to Planned Parenthood, where the doctors, nurses, and staff are much more educated about contraception. I stopped seeing my psychiatrist, but that’s another story that I don’t want to go into right now.
Every woman should be aware that depression is a very common but frequently dismissed side effect of hormonal contraceptives. Many women on birth control who feel depressed are immediately put on anti-depressants, before other forms of birth control are even considered. Many doctors don’t believe that hormonal contraception can cause major depression, but it’s no different from how many doctors don’t believe that PMS exists.
Every man should be aware of this too.
I had very similar problems with the pill. Latterly I used a coil for over five years. I had no problems with it at all. People say you bleed more heavily, I found the contrary to be true.
I found that my own rhythym and mood swings while they were still there were not having an artificial set superimposed on them.
Keep writing testing.
Comment by sheweevil — May 26, 2005 @ 7:28 am
I suffer from depression and it’s always an uphill battle covered in quicksand. I take 200mg. of Zoloft a day but nothing really seems to work but I will say that it is better than having nothing. I’m working with a wonder therapist right now so hopefully I will have a break through.
Hugs, Zissy
Comment by Zissy — May 29, 2005 @ 3:12 pm
I also take medicine for depression. I also used to take ortho-tricycline or however you spell it. I thought too that maybe it was the pills, but now I still suffer years later. I wonder if its a long term effect ? Hmm dunno.
Comment by tinkerbitch — May 31, 2005 @ 5:07 pm
Today I almost started telling my own story, now that a few years have passed and I’m feeling the need to revisit my journals from the years I was in therapy. I got the blog set up and even wrote a first post, but I’m not confident enough to publish it yet, because I’m afraid of either my family finding out (they would not approve of my having been in therapy) or of not sufficiently protecting the privacy of the other people involved in my story. Changing names and dates is one thing, but I’m not a novelist and can’t change the details enough that people wouldn’t be recognizable.
So I started looking for other blogs that tell this kind of personal story about depression and therapy, and I’m amazed at the courage you folks have. I’m really glad I’ve found your site; thank you for sharing your story.
By the way, I’ve found that sudafed increases my depression and particularly my anxiety.
Comment by christian — June 1, 2005 @ 12:22 pm
It makes sense that hormonal contraceptives aid in changing a woman’s mood. I mean, look at hormone patches for women going through menopause–my mom feels like blowing everyone off the face of the Earth when she doesn’t wear her patch (no joke). Hormones really affect how we feel and any kind of flunctuation in the natural balance (or imbalance) by way of medication is obviously going to change how we feel.
Comment by Alisha — June 16, 2005 @ 1:11 pm
I quit taking the pill after a major breakdown about 7 years ago. I’m bipolar and have mood swings anyway, but i do feel like the pill made the depression waaaaay worse. I am glad to have stumbled upon your site. I think youre doing a great job!
Comment by Jil — July 10, 2005 @ 10:07 am